On "Raising Good Kids" and the Mission of God

Occasionally, when the subject of missional living comes up during a conversation with a young parent, I will hear something like this:

One way you can be “missional” is to raise good children. Thats what I’m doing.

The idea is that being a responsible parent and instilling the right attitudes and behaviors in your child is an important spiritual responsiblity. Thus, “missionality” is recharacterized as going about the critical task of child rearing without regard to the reaching out to the marginalized in society.

But it seems to me that this recharacterization does a serious disservice to our children.

As a parent, my job is to raise my children to be disciples of Jesus, and Jesus’ life was about reaching out into the margins of society. How will my children ever learn to imitate Jesus in this way if they (a) never see their parents doing it and (b) are never given opportunities to learn how to do it themselves?

Rather than serving as a free pass for avoiding the marginalized, the responsiblities of parenthood ought to be urging us toward greater commitment to serving those who are weak and powerless in our communities.

Me and Mrs. Columbo

Over the years, I’ve had my share of heroes from TV and film. My idols have run the gamut from Mr. Spock of Star Trek fame to Sonny Crockett from Miami Vice. I’ve followed closely the adventures of Luke Skywalker, James Bond, and Christopher Reeves’ Superman. As an eight year-old, though I knew they were Christians, Roger Staubach and Tom Landry seemed to me like gods unto themselves.

I’m now 20+ years past my days of serious hero worship, and I feel pretty sure that – if we are supposed to turn out like the people we idolize in our youth – I must have done something terribly wrong. On the surface, I may give off the dispassionate, analytical facade of a Mr. Spock, but underneath an entire ocean of emotions is constantly churning. I’m not as cool or non-chalant as Don Johnson was in the 80s, and never will be. I don’t drink Martinis, shaken, stirred, or otherwise. And I’m pretty sure I don’t have the brashness of a Luke Skywalker.

If I had to pick any TV or film character that – like it or not – I’ve grown to resemble, it would be this guy:

That’s right, folks. I am like – nay – I am Lieutenant Columbo of Peter Falk fame.

Consider:

1. I appear to be a very reflective person, though sometimes I am a little slow on the uptake.
2. I am generally a little clumsy, and feel quite awkward in social situations.
3. I tend to fixate on certain subjects so much that – from time to time – I become seriously boring and even annoying to others.
4. I often have a somewhat unkempt appearance, particularly where my hair is concerned.
5. I have a job where I investigate things, ask questions of people, and try to make sense out of evidence.

Yet none of those comparisons are nearly as convincing as the final one:

      6.   I constantly talk about my wife.

Did you ever notice this about Columbo? Some new movie? He doesn’t know about it – but his wife, she tells him all about it. Art, music, literature gardening – he’s usually pretty clueless. But that Mrs. Columbo – she knows about those things. In some sense, Mrs. Columbo was the person who gave his otherwise quirky, quasi-introverted personality access to normal life.

Why do I say this?

Well…Sheila is gone this week – serving as a counselor at a middle school church camp. And do you know what I am doing? Talking about my wife. Small group? Wife. Facebook profile? Wife’s gone. Hanging out with friends from church? Wife. On my blog? Well, you’re reading it right now.

What is going on here? Its not like I don’t have other things to talk about. And its not like I’m some young, 22 year-old newlywed that is constantly pining for his beloved. I’m happy to know that she is out doing ministry this week, actually, and I don’t miss her in that way. (Well, I do a little – but thats okay).

Its more like this: when Sheila is gone, I feel like this guy who can blunder around and make it though the world okay, someone who is even competent in his own way.  But I’m also like this unkempt, mumbling guy in a trenchcoat, situated among the power brokers of Los Angeles – I feel a little out of my element. Something is missing.

When I am alone, I can live life in my own way. Yet there is a side of life which – when Sheila is around – she constantly opens up to me – a life of laughter and joy, of music and dance – one filled with the possibilities of many, varied friendships and relationships. A life of spontaneity where the plan for the day can be tossed aside on a whim if a more promising opportunity presents itself.

Funny thing. Lately, I’ve been feeling more and more like Sheila Ritchie’s husband. She is, frankly, starting to do a lot of incredible things – particularly in our faith community at Highland, but not only there – in other places as well. Its been a time where I’ve gladly stepped aside a little to get out of her way as God begins to do some really cool things with her.

There was probably a time when people thought of me and then thought of her as my wife. But not anymore. Now, a lot of folks think of her and – yeah – that guy over there who looks a little clueless, he’s Sheila’s husband.

As I already said, I’m more than okay with that. But…if I have to turn the tables on this trend, and describe who she is to me, I think I would now say this:

Sheila is my Mrs. Columbo. And I’ve never loved her more.

Tales from the Dinner Table

Off and on through the years, Sheila and I have discussed renewing our vows, in part because – in retrospect – our original wedding turned out to be something of a disappointment. You can read more details about the original wedding here.

The other day, by way of a passing comment, Sheila happened to mention at dinner time that, when she gets “re-married,” she might want to wear a particular dress.

At that point, Becca, our 7 year-old, immediately jumped up, shouting: “No! No! I like the daddy we already have!”

This wasn’t spoken from a place of deep anxiety, expressing shock and outrage that her mother would even consider the possibility of finding another mate. Rather, it was spoken with the tone of voice that Becca might use if she were to object to, say, trading in our minivan.

Still, its nice to know that she wants to keep me around…

Who Said Runner-Up is a Bad Thing?

Levi and Lexi attended the annual Abilene Interscholastic Chess Tournament again today. Levi finished a solid second, and was only barely edged out by a really great kid from Abilene Christian Schools in the final round.

In the meantime, Rachel also finished as a runner-up in the Lemony Snickett letter writing contest that I mentioned a few weeks ago. You can listen to none other than Lemony Snickett himself read Rachel’s letter here.

Vote Early. Vote Often.

While I have been on something of a writing hiatus during the holidays, my daughter Rachel has been quite busy.

Busy enough, in fact, to become a finalist in a letter writing contest sponsored by Lemony Snickett and our friends at HarperCollins. You can read the letter here. It is under the name “Anna Rachel.”

The contest involves site visitors voting for their favorite letter. If you get a chance, and like Rachel’s letter, why not spend a mouse click and a little bandwith on a vote for her? If she finishes in the top three, a recording of Lemony Snickett himself – reading her letter – will be posted on the site.

I’ll link the recording here if she wins.

Christmas Eve Adventures

This morning, we enjoyed worshipping with the Church of Christ in Cisco. The language and practices here always come across as a little alien to my kids. In Cisco, they “partake” of the Lord’s Supper – not a word that they hear used a lot. There is also a lot of talk about being “worthy” as we worship – a part of our faith tradition’s longstanding concern with holiness. 

Larry Fitgerald – the preacher here – continues to do a solid, faithful job ministering to this congregation that is steeped in the traditions of Churches of Christ.

The language and traditions of the folks here in Cisco are an important part of their spirituality – every bit as integral to their faith as the Book of Common Prayer to those who are a part of the anglican traditions. It is a privilege to come and be a part of those rhythms from time to time.

The familiar faces here are a great inspiration – examples of faithfulness and commitment to the way of Jesus, even as the ways of the world continue to change around them. I was also impressed by their commitment to imitate Jesus in the way they reach out to the needy in the community – several of these folks will be working to provide meals (about 400 total, as I understand it) for the community tomorrow.

Tonight, after a few more hours with my extended family, we will be at St. Paul United Methodist in Abilene for their candlelight Christmas eve service. Then…home for Christmas.

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One last question: I’m embarrased to say it, but at 42 years of age, I still don’t know exactly what “round yon Virgin” means. Can anyone explain that for me? Anyone else want to fess up to not knowing what it means themselves?

Christmas Chaos

Tonight was a crazy night at the Ritchie house as our annual goodwill gifts for friends and family were in full-scale production.

Both of our DVD burners, one on our home computer and one on my work notebook, were working hard cranking out DVDs of our annual Christmas photo/video.

I always tell people that we don’t write Christmas newsletters to friends and family because everyone else’s newsletters are so much more impressive than anything we could write. Instead, we just do a DVD with some photos from the prior year and a modern worship or CCM song that we all like as the soundtrack. It seems to work pretty well. (This year’s song: The Newsboys’ Secret Kingdom.)

Here is Lexi, our one-kid quality assurance department, watching one of the DVDs that just came off of our burners. She watched over 30 of these tonight. She will be re-living our Disney trip, only this time with a Newsboys soundtrack, in her sleep tonight.

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In the meantime, Sheila is working on candies, cookies, pretzels, etc. etc. for our goody platters:

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As Homer Siimpson would say: “Mmmmmm….Sugar cooookiiiessss… ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

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…and Here is the final product, ready to go out to friends and family:

Halloween Report

Halloween around our house was exciting as usual this year.

Becca was the Little Mermaid, pictured here in an imaginary pose atop a rock:

Lexi was a Snow Princess, who we imagined to be not too much unlike the Lucy of Narnia fame…

Rachel (pictured here doing face painting at the Highland Trunk and Treat) pulled out her Ballet Eleve costume from last Summer and dressed up as Laura Ingalls…

…and then there is Levi:

(Sniff!) I’m so proud!

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